A recent study by the American Music Recreation Foundation suggested moshing is the top contributor of bruises to the upper torso region of concert goers. While the study is in fact a fallacy, and no one in their right mind cares to do a study on the ill effects of moshing, I wouldn’t necessarily disregard the physical pains of moshing. Being an aficionado of the Lucha Libre, I’ve seen the resemblance between the tired faces of the rudos leaving the ring and those of moshers leaving the pit. In order to prevent being swallowed in the abyss of cheap black vinyl and sweat, I’ve put together, through the means of careful observation and half-assed assumptions, a few rules on proper mosh etiquette for all music fans to follow. First, concert goers must at all times remain alert for a mosh formation. A mosh pit initially begins with innocuous shoves from one individual to another, progressively growing in force and strength, ultimately leading to the participation of many in what can be deemed a carnal practice, traditionally in the form of a pit.
As a general rule, both men and woman should be allowed to enter the pit at their own discretion. Women need to be especially on-guard as they have been known to lose both teeth and articles of clothing within its parameters.
Once in the pit, participants must access the movement of the moshing. That is, if people are pushing in a clockwise motion, participants should follow. If the flow is moving from outer to inner circle, do the same. Don’t attempt to go against the flow of the p
it. Salmon do this against the tide to lay eggs, and then die. Learn from the salmon.
Once in the pit, men can get over-heated and eventually wreak a stench so foul even Europeans would protest. In consideration for the fellow music patrons, deodorant should be a priority before leaving home. Also, any shirt removal should be left to emaciated musicians.The activities in the pit should always remain energetic and lively. While it is important to maintain the integrity of the pit, all should be aware that injuries may occur. Therefore, those attendees scared or angry the pit is forming within their space should take heed and move away. The collective within the pit should comply by the unwritten rules of: 1) no targeted rushes towards specific individuals, 2) man-down assistance, and 3) no intentional attempts to inflict pain. Lastly, those wishing to crowd surf within the pit must also comply with weight and height restrictions. A 6’1¨ 310 lb. man should keep both feet on the floor. That cracking sound might just be someone’s neck. Women of that size should also do the same, for many more reasons not to be discussed. Further, surf is a metaphorical term. There is no actual swimming in the pit, so there is no need to kick. Kicking may lead to someone’s Chuck Taylors hanging from the singer’s mic stand, compliments of other fellow moshers. As for the surrounding observers, those typified by their crossed arms and slightly bobbing heads so as to disguise any hint of actually enjoying themselves, they must learn to coexist with the pit. Keep all ice in the cup and find a good spot to watch the show. Moshers may bump into observers, but no offense should be taken. However, moshers should take caution when getting to the nucleus of the pit so as to avoid knocking innocent victims over. More importantly, this will deter any stray alcohol from hitting the floor, a true travesty. Ultimately, it is the courageous few observers who form the wall of the pit. It’s not exactly Berlin united, but it’s a nice partnership. Everyone should be allowed to enjoy themselves at a show and unfortunately, there is only so much beer to go around, so it’s up to concert goers to make it lively and entertaining in their own way. The coexistence of the rowdy mosher and the laid back observer creates an interesting dynamic. With the addition of good performers and good music, it will be memorable show that doesn’t include three stitches above the eye.
As a general rule, both men and woman should be allowed to enter the pit at their own discretion. Women need to be especially on-guard as they have been known to lose both teeth and articles of clothing within its parameters.
Once in the pit, participants must access the movement of the moshing. That is, if people are pushing in a clockwise motion, participants should follow. If the flow is moving from outer to inner circle, do the same. Don’t attempt to go against the flow of the p
it. Salmon do this against the tide to lay eggs, and then die. Learn from the salmon.Once in the pit, men can get over-heated and eventually wreak a stench so foul even Europeans would protest. In consideration for the fellow music patrons, deodorant should be a priority before leaving home. Also, any shirt removal should be left to emaciated musicians.The activities in the pit should always remain energetic and lively. While it is important to maintain the integrity of the pit, all should be aware that injuries may occur. Therefore, those attendees scared or angry the pit is forming within their space should take heed and move away. The collective within the pit should comply by the unwritten rules of: 1) no targeted rushes towards specific individuals, 2) man-down assistance, and 3) no intentional attempts to inflict pain. Lastly, those wishing to crowd surf within the pit must also comply with weight and height restrictions. A 6’1¨ 310 lb. man should keep both feet on the floor. That cracking sound might just be someone’s neck. Women of that size should also do the same, for many more reasons not to be discussed. Further, surf is a metaphorical term. There is no actual swimming in the pit, so there is no need to kick. Kicking may lead to someone’s Chuck Taylors hanging from the singer’s mic stand, compliments of other fellow moshers. As for the surrounding observers, those typified by their crossed arms and slightly bobbing heads so as to disguise any hint of actually enjoying themselves, they must learn to coexist with the pit. Keep all ice in the cup and find a good spot to watch the show. Moshers may bump into observers, but no offense should be taken. However, moshers should take caution when getting to the nucleus of the pit so as to avoid knocking innocent victims over. More importantly, this will deter any stray alcohol from hitting the floor, a true travesty. Ultimately, it is the courageous few observers who form the wall of the pit. It’s not exactly Berlin united, but it’s a nice partnership. Everyone should be allowed to enjoy themselves at a show and unfortunately, there is only so much beer to go around, so it’s up to concert goers to make it lively and entertaining in their own way. The coexistence of the rowdy mosher and the laid back observer creates an interesting dynamic. With the addition of good performers and good music, it will be memorable show that doesn’t include three stitches above the eye.
by Gee Padilla, contributing writer coolguygee@aol.com
morrissey los angeles
